The Bachelor (S23) episode 1 REVIEW: Virgins, sloths and roses!

Bachelor 23 has launched!

Best dresses were slipped on, roses were present and the drama officially kicked off – big time!

The three-hour season 23 premiere started without a hitch although some women were clearly on the show to play the game. And play the game hard.

Here’s a recap of The Bachelor season 23 episode 1.

The Bachelor – “Episode 2301” – Bachelor 23 and all 30 contestants

How’s Your Spanish, Colton?

A selection of women put Colton’s linguistics to the test as they addressed him in varying languages.

Nicole, a social media coordinator, spoke Spanish.

Revian, a nurse, spoke in Mandarin.

And the last girl, Nina, a sales account manager, talked to Colton in her native tongue, Croatian.

However, all of this as brushed to the side by Cassie, a speech pathologist from California, who decided to speak to her man in sign language – how adorable!

Less adorable and more on the super cringe scale was Caitlin from Toronto.

She brought C-dog a cherry balloon… to pop.

Clearly, Caitlin left her shame and subtlety at home!

Caitlin ready to pop Colton’s “cherry”- ABC, “S23E1.”

Tension City

Tensions boiled over when it became apparent that some of the women were former competitors.

Caelynn, Miss North Carolina 2018, and Hannah B, Miss Alabama 2018, both competed for the title of Miss USA.

If that isn’t a recipe for a malicious and bitchy narrative for the rest of season 23 then we don’t know what is!

The Sloth

In terms of quirky characters, Alex D won that competition by a mile.

The girl from Boston, Massachusetts, gave everyone a hearty laugh as she somehow managed to stay in character despite dressing as a giant sloth.

She even climbed a tree.

Bri Brings the House Down

The most shocking entrance of the entire night came from Bri.

A model from Los Angeles, she for some reason put on a fake Australian accent.

Now that’s an entrance, mate!

A Vicious Cocktail Party!

Demi grabbed Colton for an intimate night before any of the other girls even had a chance to think about their next step.

However, Chris Hardin balled in there like the world’s biggest c*ck block after showing up with the Impression Rose.

Tahzjuan was right – claws did come out.

Likewise, Catherine put her A-game on Colton, with no one else present when she stole Colton three times from three girls.

We’re sure we just found the ‘shady b**tch’ of the bunch and Onyeka did not think it was cute! She made sure to let her love rival know it!

The Impression Rose

What’s cuter than knowing the woman that Colton gave his Impression Rose to was also the girl he was incredibly comfortable with?

Colton handed the Impression Rose, and a few smooches, to the girl that reminded him of home, Hannah G.

Though a lot of the other women were upset, Colton knew he made the right decision. His smile was through the roof!

Screen Shot: Colton and Hannah G. with The Impression Rose – ABC, “S23E1.”

The First Rose Ceremony

Colton enjoyed a great first night of making connections, having chemistry, and falling for some of the women.

However, not all of the women could win a Rose.

Laura, Revian, Tahzjuan, Jane, Devin, Erin, Alex D (our very own Sloth Girl) did not receive a Rose.

And then came the tears…

Screen Shot: Devin Crying as the Other Girls Celebrate – ABC, “S23E1.”



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