London theme park Thorpe Park recently announced that it had launched a Love Island themed section.
And that got us thinking…
If every remaining contestant was a Thorpe Park ride, which one would they be?
Dani Dyer: I’m a Celebrity Maze
It goes without saying that any daughter of Eastenders royalty, and the frontman of The Business, is going to be Miss Popular when it comes to reality TV.
Dani is Thorpe Park’s I’m a Celebrity Maze – after all, her babysitter used to be Keira Knightley!
Wes Nelson: Samurai
Just for this roll alone, Wes gets the Samurai ride.
Samurai spins you 360 degrees, creating forces of up to 5G while 60ft above the ground.
And that sort of complicated science sh*t is just what revs Wes’s nuclear engineer engines!
Paul Knops: Amity Beach Ride Queue
Initially, we were going to give Paul Knops the Amity Beach Ride, where families can kick back, relax and paddle in the pool.
We then decided that Amity Beach sounds far too exciting for Paul’s personality, so we’ve given him the equivalent to an incredibly dull one hour and 45-minute queue.
no wonder Paul is a carpenter his personality is the equivalent to a plank of wood #loveisland
— lewys (@lookingforlewys) July 20, 2018
Dr Alex George: Detonator: Bombs Away
We don’t know what he’s doing. We’re not even sure he knows what he’s doing. Dr Alex has therefore earned himself the Detonator: Bombs Away Thorpe Park ride.
The ride sees adrenaline junkies drop 100ft, before plunging back to earth at 50mph.
Plunging back to earth, ay, sounds just like how Alex is going to feel when he leaves the villa.
Megan Barton-Hanson: The Swarm
This is the U.K’s first winged roller coaster. And, Megan is possibly the U.K’s first Love Island contestant to change their personality each and every week.
No wonder the public want her gone. Now buzz off!
Jack Fincham: Angry Birds 4D Experience
Jack’s lost his head a few times in series four. Calling one ex-Islander a “little sh*t”, and more recently branding his girlfriend “pathetic”.
Don’t rustle the Angry Birds feathers!
Jack’s problem isn’t loyalty, it’s his temper… the lads knew that, which is why they warned him not to get angry 🤦♀️ #LoveIsland
— meg (@benham_megan) July 24, 2018
Alexandra Cane: Quantum
Quantum is the resort’s Magic Carpet ride.
Alexandra gets this one due to her stunning Disney princess looks.
Hopefully, her prince will walk into the villa any minute now, leaving her jazzy Aladdin-looking boyfriend behind.
Kazimir Crossley: Stealth
Kaz’s Thorpe Park ride is one of Europe’s fastest rollercoasters.
It propels you from 0-80 mph to 205ft in under two seconds.
Stealth represents just how fast she’s moved into a relationship with Josh Denzel – let’s just hope they don’t come down as quickly.
Laura Crane: Rocky Express
It looks like poor Laura’s just jumped on board the Rocky Express with Jack Fowler.
This ride speeds up and down during an uncontrollable and unpredictable journey – a pretty accurate description of the couple’s relationship right now!
Jack Fowler: Rush
Swing high into the air at speeds of up to 50mph and swoop back towards the ground on this air-powered speed swing.
Jack has swooped in with Old Laura and swooped out with New Laura, just like Rush.
Laura Anderson: Tidal Wave
If Old Laura was a Thorpe Park ride, she’d be Tidal Wave.
You plunge 85ft into the waters below, where a forceful drenching awaits you. Laura’s certainly been plunged herself, from one relationship to another, and to another and another.
Let’s hope this time she at least keeps her head above water – so no more cringe baby name chats!
Josh Denzel: Flying Fish
This is a fun, fast, rollercoaster and a firm family favourite at the park.
Smiles all round, just like Joshy D.
— Love Island (@LoveIsland) July 23, 2018
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