If you don’t already believe that civilisation is doomed, take a look at the Love Island game.
Better yet, take a look at its characters.
The world’s ecosystem is falling apart, the U.K has turned into a hot savannah dessert, and our generation of millennials have been left with role models such as Adam Collard and Megan Barton-Hanson. God help us all.
Meet the 9 ridiculous Love Island game characters, and understand that these are the type of people designed to spark inspiration to a nation.
What happened to the good ‘ol days of non-explicit Crash Bandicoot…
Jake: 9/10 – Worth the Wait
There hasn’t been many real-life Love Islander’s from Preston, although Jake is repping the ends here on the game.
He’s a smouldering hunk of muscle – like all the men on the game – and is pretty much the safe and reliable option – a bit like Paul Knops but in tighter shorts.
It’s impossible to couple up with Jake until day 11, however, which has left some pretty furious game players.
Tim: 3/10 – Avoid at All Costs
Okay, so Tim from Truro is proper weird, and he definitely shines a bad light on Cornwall.
Perhaps that’s why out of over 100 Love Island contestants, they’ve only ever had one contestant from that region.
Tim takes things way too far in any games – that’s right, you play games within the Love Island game, which is a game made for the reality TV game.
Tim from Truro – another great role model!
Allegra: 0/10 – The Devil
Meet Allegra. She is the epitome of pure evil.
Although she kind of looks a bit like series three star Amber Davies, Allegra is nothing alike in terms of personality.
From the moment you meet her, she puts you down, and the rest of the game is full of her spiteful comments, basically slagging off every outfit you wear.
Definitely the most-hated non-real person on social media!
Talia: 4/10 – Secret Sl*t
If you get far enough on the Love Island game, Talia becomes renown for one story.
Although she claims to be a professional music journalist, she explains on the game that she once “went backstage at a concert and snogged all the member of a boy-band.”
Again. Another top role model.
Mason: 7/10 – Everyone Wants a Slice
A nice touch here, Mason is also from Romford, the same Essex town that series three star Kem Cetinay hailed from.
It’s actually really difficult to talk to Mason throughout the game, mainly because he stands in this sexual arm flung over the shoulder position, with all arrows pointing towards his bulging penis area.
Erikah: 5/10 – Sly and Sneaky
Erikah is one snakey motherf*cker on the Love Island game.
She’s so secretive that you have to pay actual money to find out what she’s been saying about you!
The 20-year-old from Norwich is very much your average real-life Islander, but not the type you’d be friends with on the outside world.
Jasper: 7/10 – Careful What You Wish For
Jasper, the 26-year-old from Kingston, is the game’s smooth operator.
With whispy long dark hair and mesmerising eyes, he’s a fan favourite to couple up with.
Be careful you don’t fall for every single silky line that flows from his mouth, though…
Jen: 5/10 – Very Meh
A fashion blogger from London, it’s easy to see a real-life version of Jen making her way onto Love Island.
The 22-year-old is your classic Islander blonde bird and likes to dot around the men in Megan Barton-Hanson style.
Levi: 8/10 – Th Game’s God
Last but certainly not least, Levi is the most sought-after man on the Love Island game.
If you want him, then you’ll have to battle it out with the other female contestants.
He is kinda dreamy though…
DOWNLOAD the game at fuseboxgames.com/loveisland/
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