Episode four of Ibiza Weekender started in desperately typical fashion. Two new ‘beefa’ arrivals rocked up to the hotel. Both were female and both were single.
Unable to control the bubbling excitement from spewing out of their mouths, the two girls shouted aloud ‘we’re single and ready mingle’ with accompanying ‘woo’ and ‘woos’ the moment they touched down in Ibiza.
From here, and to the backdrop of some cheap looking green-screens, the pair of self-confessed party girls discussed their plans for the short and sinful weekend ahead.
But it didn’t involve Pacha, Amnesia, any of the beautiful beaches spread across Es Canar, or even the architectural brilliance of the Old Town gothic cathedrals.
No, the only reason anyone goes to Ibiza these days is for Jordan Davies. Apparently.
The message from Sofia, the blonde one from the Bristolian double act, was as crystal clear as the Mediterranean waters she was never actually going to experience while on holiday in Ibiza.
She described herself as: “Soon to be Jordan’s Mrs”
While normal holidays may involve a spot of unpacking, a flirt around the hotel to checkout the facilities and anxious inquiries into whether the kitchen is still serving food – things are little different on Ibiza Weekender.
Straight into a night out with reps they’d never met and Sofia – again, the blonde one from the Bristolian double act – was incapable of stopping herself from sprawling across Jordan like he was a 76 kilogram aphrodisiac made of flesh and bones.
Jordan said: “Sofia was very persistent.
“I knew she wanted to kiss me, so I decided to hide in the toilets for 5 minutes.”
It’s not the first or the last time we’ve seen Jordan forced into difficult situations because of his god-damn incredible looks. In every series and different flocks of females are caught on camera lusting over a man they had met for all but 20 seconds. Perhaps they knew Jordan all along?
According to the TV screens, websites, blogger feeds and general bombardment of social media we now smog our lives in, Jordan is an irresistible force.
The 25-year-old Welshman has previously admitted to sleeping with 750 girls in less than an 18 month period. For the mathematics buffs, that works out to be around 9.9 women a week or 1.4 a day. He’s a hunk of pure male sex appeal and has slept with around 1,500 women, has 25,000 people queuing up for his friendship on Facebook and over 600,000 followers on Instagram.
There is no way that Sofia, or any female who rocks up to the Ibiza Weekender hotel, can instantaneously fall in love with Jordan over the space of 48 hours. They started to fancy him years ago, when he first made his ascent into stardom.
Through our creation of a reality TV world, where we have created celebrities that you can meet and approach in everyday life situations, the monster of characters and personalities like Jordan are being fully unleashed.
You have to fancy Jordan Davies. Those are the rules. Reality TV has made him a character that we love and there’s nothing you or I can do about it. You can’t say he’s not your type and you cant say he is unattractive, because that’s not the way Jordan is perceived by the public.
Episode four finished with Jordan wisecracking to camera:
“Well that was the most unromantic sex I’ve ever had in my life.”
Despite the aggressive advances of Sofia, Jordan had just cracked the nut of fellow rep and current love interest Chyna Ellis, breaking into her underwear with as much pride as the first man to conquer Mount Everest.
I wonder if Chyna ever actually fancied him.