Following a heated start to The Only Way is Essex series 22, producers attempted to simmer down tensions with a boat race.
The TOWIE boys have been at each other’s throats during the first five episodes, with Pete Wicks and Liam Gatsby almost coming to blows in a public feud.
The same can be said for new-boy Jordan Wright and Myles Barnett. And Jon Clark and Dan Edgar for that matter.
To finally put their fierce rivalries to bed, however, the lads set up an Oxford vs Cambridge-style boat race.
Yeah, it was horrendously cringe-worthy…
Team one, The Pirates, was led by none other than captain Pete ‘The Pirate’.
His four-strong crew included stern pair Myles and ‘Diags’, alongside Danny Ed.
James ‘Lockie’ Lock opted out of this one, although he did have good reason…
Team two, The King’s, were described as a “bunch of misfits” by their opposition, although they seemed to click in the changing rooms.
Jon, Jordan and Dean Ralph laughed out loud as Gatsby re-told his historic story of stealing Pete’s pizza.
This one will never get old…
With the average Olympic rower standing at 6ft6, it was difficult to call a winner early on.
The Pirates may have had the height advantage (Gatsby is like 4ft) although The King’s packed a little extra gym brawn in the form of Dean and Jordan.
With the first team across the line crowned the “Champions of Essex”, a packed out crowd of about 50 huddled around the Chelmsford Canoe Club.
That was one pitiful boat race 😂🤦🏼♀️ #TOWIE
— Sarah Chapman (@sarahchaps21) April 22, 2018
Neck and Neck
Both teams sped down the river, almost colliding during the first section of the race.
It couldn’t have been any closer…
However, coxswain Pete – AKA the guy sat at the front – soon led his team off course as they smashed into the side of the river.
Not once, by the way, but twice…
Pete in that boat race 🤦🏽♂️😩😂😭🤣 #TOWIE
— Alex SHAQ Shafiq 🐝🖤 (@InkedUpSHAQ) April 22, 2018
Unable to make amends for their fatal error, The King’s comfortably paddled down the last few metres to claim victory.
All that was left was a completely over the top celebration – just to rub it in.
With the race over the camera panned out to James ‘Arg’ Argent who had the perfect one-liner to summarise the race.
We love Arg!
"F*** Me! Pete is a sh*t pirate" – Arg
— Courtney (@CourtneyFPhoto) April 22, 2018
Of course, no historical sporting race is complete without a forfeit.
So, although probably nothing like the Oxford boys do, here’s Pete dressed in a humiliating baby onesie costume.
Couldn’t take pete serious wearing a baby outfit and Bonet 😂😂🍼#TOWIE
— Marie Anthony 🏴 (@mlawelshgirl) April 22, 2018
It’s even complete with one of those stupid hat things, a juice bottle and dummy.
Goddam that beard is freaky…
WATCH The Only Way is Essex every Sunday night, on ITVbe, at 9 pm.