Episode one of new ITV2 reality series Survival of The Fittest was thrusted into our faces on Sunday night (February 11, 2018).

With a 9pm episode airing five nights per-week, producers expect the show to be as addictive as their last big-hit,  Love Island 2017.

TV presenter Laura Whitmore quipped to camera with her best smouldering pout:

“Welcome to South Africa, where 12 young single are about to embark on the ultimate battle of the sexes”

And from that moment onwards we had no idea WTF this programme was actually about.

Here’s a handy round-up on what you missed, what to expect, and what the public thought of episode one.

Whose annoying voice is that?

No, we’re not talking about the six seriously irritating ‘geezers’ who rocked up to the South African jungle shouting “oi oi” and tensing their six-packs to the point they’d probably need to use the loo straight away.

No, the voiceover guy proved pretty damn annoying too.

Comedian Brennan Reece will be overlaying the gags over the course of the series.

Following his first joke of “and I don’t know what those things are” when faced with a group of antelope, social media was not impressed, especially when they were hoping for the voice of Iain Stirling from Love Island.

WTF is SOTF about?

From completely failing to understand the concept of the show to instantly knowing exactly what it is all about, the introduction of David and Jenny made things clear.

David and Jenny are both fitness models. Woo!

Screen Shot: ITV2: Survival of The Fittest - Fitness model Jenny

Screen Shot: ITV2: Survival of The Fittest – Fitness model Jenny

This set the tone for the rest of gang who joined the The Lodge, arriving in pairs to the complex via off-road buggies.

With the men topless and the women in bikinis, we began to acknowledge that there isn’t really much of a narrative to Survival of The Fittest.

It’s pretty much just half naked people looking good and showing off their bodies. There will be some physical challenges, some romance and plenty of cringeworthy ‘bro-downs’.

Sorry, who are you?

Each model we met – or serious fitness enthusiast who wants to be a model – were keen to make themselves sound as important as possible during their introductory piece to camera.

They boasted to camera about their personal qualities, playing a game of who could name drop first.

Callum said: “With most things I am, like, superior, that’s all I’m saying.”

The winners however were James, who is the ex-boyfriend of I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here victor Georgia ‘Toff’ Toffolo, and Danny Dyer’s daughter Dani Mas Dyer.

Screen Shot: ITV2: Survival of The Fittest - Danny Dyer's daughter Dani

Screen Shot: ITV2: Survival of The Fittest – Danny Dyer’s daughter Dani

So this is where we sleep?

The boys and girls got acquainted with their new camera-rigged digs, with the girls forming a tight bond through the squeamishly excitable action of putting their hands together, then screaming and jumping up and down.

The boys instead banged their firsts on the table. Lads, lads, lads.

Screen Shot: ITV2: Survival of The Fittest

Screen Shot: ITV2: Survival of The Fittest

To be fair, The Lodge, which is situated in the middle of the South African savanna, is pretty damn sensational.

Screen Shot: ITV2: Survival of The Fittest

Screen Shot: ITV2: Swanky The Lodge rooms

 

ITV2: Survival of The Fittest - The Lodge

ITV2: Survival of The Fittest – The Lodge

Can you explain the rules again?

The rules were explained by host Laura Whitmore as follow:

“There will be a series of team challenges where the groups will be challenged both physically and mentally.”

So not much help there.

She went on to explain that after each task and the losing team will be at risk of losing a member of their group, who could be replaced by a new member.

Oh, and contestants could be voted off by the public and also by fellow contestants, with no real system as to when and how these votes take place.

Basically, Survival of The Fittest is a cocktail of every reality TV show there has even been.

Can we flex our muscles yet?

Sitting around The Lodge and getting to know one-other, all the contestants were running around in a frenzy of sexual tension. Callum and Dani discussed the term “tug” and whether it meant masturbation.

There was plenty of the obligatory reality TV show gossip, where contestants lingered on one-others beds and discussed “who was playing games”.

The main culprit was this guy James, who dotted between conversations with all the females, chatting up at least three in his own mini Triwizard Tournament.

Screen Shot: ITV2: Survival of The Fittest

Screen Shot: SOTF – Smooth operator James

Other topics included the girls comparing their boob jobs and guys discussing which lovely ladies they wanted to, err, court.

Screen Shot: ITV2: Survival of The Fittest

Screen Shot: ITV2: Survival of The Fittest

FINALY, in a pool of testosterone and estrogen and the men and women took on challenge one, an assault course.

The boys highlighted Jenny as the strongest of all the women and David instantly felt her wrath, losing to his rival in the first head-to-head.

David got his wires crossed in the assault course – basically missing half of it – before coming second best to Jenny as she got the head start on the final task of untangling a heavy rope.

Screen Shot: ITV2: Survival of The Fittest

Screen Shot: Rope in a tangle

Warren vs Dani ended with the daughter of Danny Dyer injuring her arm, and she was subsequently forced to quit the show all together. You can read more about that here.

The only other male contestant to lose was Tristan (bright white teeth and cocky smile) as he was seriously out-smaterd by Georgia in the final aspect of the assault course, where they were tasked with piecing together a giant puzzle.

Tristan said: “Even Stephen Hawking couldn’t have finished that.”

What are those?

Love Island may had their own mobile phones to receive texts on but the crew of SOTF had some Power Rangers esc watches to receive their messages. And people said this show was on a budget!

Screen Shot: ITV2: Survival of The Fittest

Screen Shot: SOTF – It’s Morphin Time

The show finished with the contestants answering their fancy watch-phones to the news that the guys had completed the assault course eight minutes quicker than the girls.

Gloating in glory the lads celebrated as they found out the girls would face a public vote and one of them will leave the lodge tomorrow (Monday, 12 February, 2018).

With Dani leaving because of an injury, it’s likely that a new housemate could soon join too.