The Only Way Is Essex star Joey Essex has never been renowned for his factual accuracy and historic knowledge of Ancient Greece.
However, in episode four of Five Star Hotel, Joey got the chance to lead a sightseeing bus tour across the Greek island of Ios, spouting utter nonsense to his guests along the way.
It was definitely the best Five Star Hotel scene to date, so here’s a recap of Joey’s 5 big facts.
1. Royally Wrong
After Lydia had labelled Joey the “cultural rep of Five Star Hotel”, J-man made sure that factual accuracy was the selling point of his tour.
Lucky he used the word “apparently”, eh…
“That church was, apparently, the first test marriage that Prince William and Kate actually had.”
2. Lion Terror
Touring an Ancient amphitheatre, it appeared Joey had got his facts muddled up with scenes from the film Gladiator.
Having started with “over 300,000 years ago there used to be lion fights here” Joey dug himself a hole with confusion over who the lions were fighting.
Probably each other, or other animals, Joe…
3. Older Than They Look
No, we’re not talking about the guests.
Joey felt that he needed to add to Ancient Greece theme by pointing at anything, before saying that it was at least a few thousand years old.
Even these donkey ornaments…
“Apparently they’ve been here for like 3,000 years.”
4. 500,000 Years Old
The guests had picked up on Joey’s quick-firing knowledge of how old everything was, so they repeatedly pushed him with the question “how old is that?”.
A flour mill? Easy, Joey knows how old that is…
“It’s been here for a long … I’m talking 500,000 years old.”
5. BBQ For Cake
Admittedly, a “Greek goddess BBQ” does sound pretty damn cool.
However, Joey made the term up and had no idea what he was talking about.
Generally speaking, BBQ’s and flour mills tend not to correlate.
“So over here is a Greek goddess BBQ, originally it was used to make cakes from the flour thing.”
By the end of the tour and even the guests had started to see through Joey’s lies.
Considering it took them until the end of the tour to realise that he was chatting nonsense though, it’s more a case of shame on them.
Watch the full tour below:
— E4 (@E4Tweets) March 15, 2018