The Great British Bake Off returned to our screens on Tuesday night with a hilarious Celebrity spinoff featuring Harry Hill, Martin Kemp, Roisin Conaty and Bill Turnbull.
Comedian Roisin, famous for her standup shows and appearances on panel shows like 8 Out of 10 Cats, was baking for the very first time.
And, as you may have expected, it was a complete disaster.
The 38-year-old writer and actress set the tone for the show early on, saying: “Cakes are a thing that live her my mouth, I don’t see them happen.”
However, judges Paul Hollywood and Prue Leith were on-hand to scrutinise every outrageous move of Roisin’s, from her red velvet buns to burnt Crêpe Suzette’s and a catastrophic Celebrity Showstopper.
New to the Oven Scene
Roisin cut a seriously distressed woman in the kitchen when attempting task one – baking 12 iced, decorated and identical cupcakes in one hour and a half.
Her red velvet buns, inspired by a cake splurge in New York, hit a major stumbling block when it came to placing the sponges in the oven.
Roisin dedicated herself to cooking the buns in the middle shelf having received little advice from the judges. She proceeded to have a meltdown upon realising that her oven had two middles shelves.
This is the look of a very anxious woman.
There was another flash of momentous confusion, where Paul’s smouldering stare and long pause of silence was enough to see Roisin remove her freshly baked cakes out of the fridge after she dashed them in there to cool down.
Fortunately, however, Roisin’s red velvet delights rose to perfect and proved her best batch of the episode.
It’s all downhill from here . . .
Z for . . . Zest?
Task two had the four celeb bakers attempting to create the sweet French classic, Crepe Suzette.
However, things didn’t get off to a good start for Roisin as she was left dazed and dumbfounded with her baking instructions of “add orange zest”.
In the end, her final product was something of a monstrosity, with the judges laughing off Roisin’s “burnt” pancakes that stuck to the bottom of the plate in a sort of gloopy pile of tanginess.
Even Roisin had a fine choice of words when it came to her masterpiece:
“Mine just looks like something a drunk person would be making, after watching bake off.”
Roisin described her final Showstopper task of creating 24 three-dimensional biscuits as “absolute carnage”.
She wasn’t wrong.
Her efforts at a spectacular gingerbread beach scene sported some rather peculiar shapes and sizes when it came to her replica camels and humans, while the sandy base of her beach bar altered from honeycomb to almond dust after the judges had put her off the idea of attempting a baking skill of extreme finesse.
It was a wise call.
Roisin’s ambitious showstopper fell to pieces with the wrath of Hurricane Undercooked in full force.
Paul could only end the showing describing Roisin’s beautiful biscuity mess as the “worst gingerbread he’s ever had”.
Tough break Roisin, but we love your boundless effort and support to Stand Up to Cancer, which the special Channel 4 series is in aid for.
You can donate by purchasing Stand Up To Cancer merchandise or donating directly via the website at standuptocancer.org.uk