On episode two of Five Star Hotel, Holly Hagan organised arguably the tackiest hen doo the world has ever seen.

Then again, what more would you expect from the Geordie Shore star?

This, boys and girls, is pure trash.

Screen Shot: HOLLY HAGAN - Five Star Hotel, E4

Screen Shot: HOLLY HAGAN – Five Star Hotel, E4

With regular hotel manager and Made in Chelsea star Spencer Matthews off duty, having cracked three of his ribs in a motorbike incident, it was up to TOWIE’s Lydia Bright and Newcastle’s finest Holly Hagan to run the show.

While Spence had spent the previous three episodes implementing a certain standard of service on the Greek island, his ‘five stars’ set up came crashing down with Holy at the helm.

Bring on the carnage!

Tacky T-shirts

As with all hen doos, step one was to invest in some tacky t-shirts.

Holly and Lydia had only met their guests for a few hours but Holly showed no hesitation in drawing up some tongue-in-cheek nicknames for the trio of girls.

Actually, tongue everywhere but inside the cheek…

Hannah became Horny Hannah, Dolce was knighted Dirty Dolce, and we dread to think what Holly had on the back of her t-shirt.

Screen Shot: ive Star Hotel, E4

Screen Shot: Five Star Hotel, E4

Screen Shot: Five Star Hotel, E4

Screen Shot: Five Star Hotel, E4

Screen Shot: ive Star Hotel, E4

Screen Shot: Five Star Hotel, E4

Having debated whether the shirts were a little too inappropriate, Holly won over a sceptical Lydia with a rousing speech.

Holly said: “It’s freedom of speech. We’re not terrorists!”

Fun-shaped Ornaments

Of course, no hen party is complete without some ornaments in the shape of…

Screen Shot: Five Star Hotel, E4

Screen Shot: Five Star Hotel, E4

Holly and Lydia went all out with their minimalistic budget, investing in only the biggest and best products they could get their hands on.

Lydia said: “We’ve got punch with penises, I mean what girl wouldn’t like that.”

Absolutely Mortal

Getting “absolutely mortal” is definitely Holly’s speciality, so when it came to leading the hen doo party games, Holly was in her element.

Screen Shot: Five Star Hotel, E4

Screen Shot: Five Star Hotel, E4

There’s no doubt that Spencer would have been clenching his fists in anger as a bubble machine, blow-up penises and a ton of glitter came out to play.

Screen Shot: Five Star Hotel, E4

Screen Shot: Five Star Hotel, E4

Nevertheless, the guests seemed to enjoy it.

Screen Shot: Five Star Hotel, E4

Screen Shot: Five Star Hotel, E4

Strippers

The icing on the cake was a choreographed striptease from the boys of Five Star Hotel.

The bride-to-be sat and soaked up the view, as her three hunks bared down to their boxers.

Screen Shot: Five Star Hotel, E4

Screen Shot: Five Star Hotel, E4

Former MTV Ex On The Beach star Ashley Cain may have took a bit too far though.

You know, that extra inch too much…

Screen Shot: Five Star Hotel, E4

Screen Shot: Five Star Hotel, E4

Spencer returned the next day, visibly angered by the lack of class showed by the Five Star Hotel crew during their party antics – it defintiely wasn’t the type of party you would have seen in SW3.

Screen Shot: SPENCER - Five Star Hotel, E4

Screen Shot: SPENCER – Five Star Hotel, E4

Screen Shot: SPENCER - Five Star Hotel, E4

Screen Shot: SPENCER – Five Star Hotel, E4

Five Star Hotel airs every weeknight on E4, at 10 pm.