Joey Essex decided to take on a spot of busking during episode 14 of Five Star Hotel.

Renown for his one-line raps and quirky vocabulary, perhaps Joe can follow in the footsteps of Love Island’s Chris Hughes and Kem Cetinay into the world reality TV personalities turn pop-stars.

Or, perhaps not.

It was utter drivel…

G for Guitar

As Joey sat down with a local musician to find out about the life of a bouzouki rock ‘n’ roll star, the scene proved a lesson in back to basics for dear J-man.

Screen Shot: Five Star Hotel, E4

Screen Shot: Five Star Hotel, E4

Not basics in learning how to play an instrument, however, but in pronunciation.

Having learnt the word bouzouki about three seconds ago, Joey went on to relearn the word guitar.

G.

G for guitar, mate…

Screen Shot: Five Star Hotel, E4

Screen Shot: Five Star Hotel, E4

Screen Shot: Five Star Hotel, E4

Screen Shot: Five Star Hotel, E4

Screen Shot: Five Star Hotel, E4

Screen Shot: Five Star Hotel, E4

S for Stop

After successfully saying “guitar” and not “goo-dardy-dar”, Joey was handed a miniature version of the Greek instrument.

Joey’s new friend showed him a few cheeky strums before The Only Way is Essex star was ready to take on the big one.

Advancing to the “big bazooka” as Joey called it, the Essex boy pinged a few notes on his instrument, humming some sort of unheard of birthday melody.

Joey warbled: “What you gonna say, what you gonna say, you gonna say hey because it’s your birthday.”

Screen Shot: Five Star Hotel, E4

Screen Shot: Five Star Hotel, E4

Screen Shot: Five Star Hotel, E4

Screen Shot: Five Star Hotel, E4

Heart-warming and inspirational.

Not sure the Greek fella liked it, though.

Screen Shot: Five Star Hotel, E4

Screen Shot: Five Star Hotel, E4

P for Paper

A crowd started to group around Joey and his Greek pal as J-man started a new song about how much money he earns.

A* for originality – what other buskers rap about “making that cash”.

Screen Shot: Five Star Hotel, E4

Screen Shot: Five Star Hotel, E4

Screen Shot: Five Star Hotel, E4

Screen Shot: Five Star Hotel, E4

Joey continued a few verses about earning that paper, spouting complete nonsense and proving that his 2012 release of ‘reem’ will always be the best song to come out of Essex.

And that’s saying something…

Joey Essex busking lyrics: “In Greece and that’s what we do, and we don’t smell like poo, we stink like dollar, yeah we stink like cash.”

Screen Shot: Five Star Hotel, E4

Screen Shot: Five Star Hotel, E4

Screen Shot: Five Star Hotel, E4

Screen Shot: Five Star Hotel, E4

Screen Shot: Five Star Hotel, E4

Screen Shot: Five Star Hotel, E4

Joey Essex busking, ladies and gentleman, let us hope it never happens again.