We’ve all witnessed The Only Way is Essex star Joey Essex doing something stupid on reality TV.

However, towering together huge blocks of cheese in order to make what he thought was a ‘cheesecake’ has got to be the dumbest yet.

Oh Joey, where did you get that recipe from…

During episode 12 of E4 series Five Star Hotel, Joey was feeling extra kind and attempted to pull out all of the stops for co-star Charlotte Dawson’s birthday.

After helping set up the party room, Joey ventured off for his own version of Great British Bake Off.

OMG, imagine Joey on Bake Off…

Screen Shot: JOEY ESSEX - Five Star Hotel, E4

Screen Shot: JOEY ESSEX – Five Star Hotel, E4

Screen Shot: JOEY ESSEX - Five Star Hotel, E4

Screen Shot: JOEY ESSEX – Five Star Hotel, E4

Make The Base

What happened next, however, would have had Paul Hollywood spewing his guts out.

Joey jumped straight into step one of his supposed cheesecake by creating a solid base … of cheese.

Screen Shot: JOEY ESSEX CHEESECAKE - Five Star Hotel, E4

Screen Shot: JOEY ESSEX CHEESECAKE – Five Star Hotel, E4

Add The Topping

J-man literally mounded together block after block of cheese, presumably using cocktail sticks or something similar to keep the whole thing in place.

What is going on!

Screen Shot: JOEY ESSEX CHEESECAKE - Five Star Hotel, E4

Screen Shot: JOEY ESSEX CHEESECAKE – Five Star Hotel, E4

Confusion over Joey’s ‘cheesecake’ mounted on social media, although his monstrosity appeared to mount at an even quicker rate.

Screen Shot: JOEY ESSEX CHEESECAKE - Five Star Hotel, E4

Screen Shot: JOEY ESSEX CHEESECAKE – Five Star Hotel, E4

Decorate

Joey continued his hilarious antics, explaining that the blocks of cheese he had forged together as a cake were “special” because the finishing decorative piece was made from goats cheese.

And.

Where does goats cheese come from Joe?

Screen Shot: JOEY ESSEX CHEESECAKE - Five Star Hotel, E4

Screen Shot: JOEY ESSEX – Five Star Hotel, E4

Joey Essex: “It’s come from a goat’s arse.”

Enjoy!

Despite Twitter literally breaking down over Joey’s attempts at a cheesecake, the Essex boy seemed pretty happy with his overall work.

And that’s the main thing, right.

Screen Shot: JOEY ESSEX CHEESECAKE - Five Star Hotel, E4

Screen Shot: JOEY ESSEX CHEESECAKE – Five Star Hotel, E4

Screen Shot: JOEY ESSEX CHEESECAKE - Five Star Hotel, E4

Screen Shot: JOEY ESSEX CHEESECAKE – Five Star Hotel, E4

The final two episodes of Five Star Hotel air this Thursday and Friday, on E4 at 10 pm.